sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I know her cup size but not her name....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
