I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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