He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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