He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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