4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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