The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
