gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
