I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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