Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
