I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize