Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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