It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am naked and annoyed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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