I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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