I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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