Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
