Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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