What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She even gives head with a lisp.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
