Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
