the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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