you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
