Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
time to smoke my breakfast
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
