I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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