uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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