there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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