Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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