There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
