so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
