The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
