The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So vagazzling was a success
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
