I hate all girls vehemently.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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