Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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