i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
