Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
