upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
