dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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