sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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