If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
