My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
