hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my sisters under your porch take her home
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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