Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
