Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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