It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
