Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
