im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
