Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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