fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
