Sry I called you an 8
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
