Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
