I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
