I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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