I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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