the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
