Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
