I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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