the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
do herpes really smell.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
