just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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