I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
