batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hippo gnu deer
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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