if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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