So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
