It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize