Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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