if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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