Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Found your dick twin last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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