Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Bring me that man meat
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
