Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And then my night got REAL pukey
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize