why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
