I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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