Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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