Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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