I wish I only lived at night.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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