She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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