We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
