glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In other news, I just burned my penis
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
