i love accidental penises.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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