we have officially mastered the walk of shame
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
