is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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