it was like eating out sand paper
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
