Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
