I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
