tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize