I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
