I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I AM VODKA MAN
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
