Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
