tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
