Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
