Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
