i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize