we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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