it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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