I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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