He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
