You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Text me some of your sweat
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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