Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
