I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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