8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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