I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
