What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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