Buhtt sex?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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