YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
