I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just made out with a guy for $7.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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