i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I need water and some morals
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize