i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
high people should be assigned attendants
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
