Christians are straight up FREAKS
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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