Someone shit on the floor
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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