What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
