I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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